September 2, 2005

• The putrid air hangs around us like a shroud. The air is hot and decreasing at an alarming rate. We are in a box and have very little room to move.

  
  

  The box is hard but lined with what feels like puffy silk. I think we are being buried alive.  I think we are in a casket. No light shines through any cracks there may be in the box so I can only assume we've already been buried. Buried and forgotten. The earth has swallowed us up in one gigantic gulp. Eating away at us greedily.

  
  

  I try to push the top open, but it won't budge. There are splinters under my fingernails where I have scratched at and beaten at the top of this box. My hands hurt so horribly now. I can't bang or scratch any more. It has taken too much energy.

  
  

  If I'm dead, I don't actually remember dying. I remember all the horrible things that happened during my lifetime though. Things that no living being should EVER have to go through. I lived my hell on earth, that's for sure.

  
  

  I wonder who, if anyone for that matter, came to my funeral? Couldn't they see that I wasn't dead, just merely resting? Why didn't anyone try to wake me up?! I just don't understand. I didn't know it was my time to go.

  
  

  I had so many things left to do, so much I wanted to say to others and now that chance is gone.  I can't even send them a letter.  I loved so many people that were around me and I don't know if they knew it or not.  *sigh*

  
  

  I never did finish that scrapbook even though I had all the pictures and all the supplies I needed. They sat in the drawer, ignored all this time. Maybe someone else will find it and complete it somehow.

  
  

  There were a bunch of people I never forgave for different transgressions.  I held grudges for far too long. It wasn't healthy for me.

  
  

  I never got my book published. Maybe my family can get it done for me. That would be so great.  That was one of my greatest hopes.

  
  

  I didn't take enough time to be with my husband and my sons. Sure, I was around them but there was so much more that I could have done with them then staying at home and letting them go along without me. I regret that now.

  
  

  Eternal rest? No, you don't sleep down here. All you can do is think.

  • 10:38 am
  • 2 Comments