Stormy is so controlling that it's hard for us to come out and do anything. She is a very strong, controlling presense and in order for us to help her, we need to take over sometimes and bare the pain for her. We also need to take over and give her some of the memories to make her see the past and deal with it. She is avoiding it, trying to bury it all over again. She can't do that. It can't be buried again. Too much time has already passed and it's time to deal with the past now. Yes, it's painful, but it has to be done.

I don't like showing her what was done that she has blocked out but I have to. I don't like showing her how the uncles and the aunts molested her and abused her and treated her like shit. I don't like to be the one that has to remind her of those times, but I have to. It's part of my job.

When we were five, Aunt Sue was having a yard sale and she was busy out in the garage and Uncle Wally took us into the bathroom and made us take our clothes off and sit on his naked lap. He got his thing inside us and it hurt so bad! We bled and we cried but he put his hand over our mouth and he kep pushing his thing in and out of us anyway until he was done and then he shoved us off of him and got up and washed himself and then threw the washcloth at us and told us to wash down there real good. And he gave us a pad from under the sink and told us to put that in our panties so blood didn't get on our panties and told us if we told anyone he would kill us in our sleep. Then he left.

We locked the door and we tried to clean ourselves but it hurt so much and there was so much blood. We were so scared. We were crying, but we knew to cry silently or we would get a whipping from Aunt Sue. We rinsed the blood out of the washcloth and put the pad on our panties and pulled them up and fixed our dress and then went to our room. We curled up with our teddy bear and cried and then Aunt Sue came in and found us and we got into trouble for being on the bed in the middle of the day and we got a spanking. She found the pad and we got a spanking for that and when she seen that it was bloody we got an even harder spanking for that.

She made us tell why we were bleeding and she smacked us and called us a liar and spanked us again. We were grounded to our room then and we didn't get supper that night. We got a glass of water before it was time to go to sleep and that was it.

We weren't allowed to go to school that week. Aunt Sue told the school that we were sick. We had to stay in our room. We got to eat a peanutbutter sandwhich for each meal that week with a glass of water because we lied about what happened. Uncle Wally found out that I told and he came to our room and did it to us again - three more times. It hurt so much. We cried a lot. We wished that mom or dad would come get us. We didn't know where they were.

Aunt Sue and Uncle Wally took my teddy bear away because we talked to him. Then they took our other toys and got mad because we talked to each other outloud. So we had to talk to each other in our head. They knew we were doing it and we got spanked a lot for it.

I hope Stormy reads this and remembers.

--DarkWolf

The original was Tina. She is in a deep coma now and we don't expect her to ever wake up. Stormy came from Tina and is our main identity. She is the one that is in charge most of the time.

Stormie Leigh - 30 years old. Came to Stormy first due to excessive physical, verbal, sexual and emotional abuse. Stormy couldn't handle it at the age of two years old.

DarkWolf - 34, ages with Stormy. She came to take the sexual abuse and pain associated with it away from Stormy. She pushed Stormy out and took it herself.

Christina - 34, ages with Stormy. She is the professional. She keeps all medical records, official documents and such in order. She is the one that makes appointments for the kids and does all the official things where the "birth person" would need to be.

Chrissy - 3, 4, 5, 6 - Can be any of these ages. She remembers the things that happened during those years. She was Stormy's main playmate during that time.

Tia - 19. Party gal. Loves to drink and get wild. Is into everything your typical teen would be - piercings, tattoos, pop and hard rock. She is Stormy's energy basically. She is the one that shows Stormy how to have fun despite everything she has been through. She will jump in and take over when the system is getting overloaded and let some steam off.

Sally - 40. Motherly figure, very Christian. The caregiver of Stormy. Came to her when Stormy's husband had his heart attack. Or rather, REAPPEARED because Sally used to be with us when religion was forced on Stormy in an abusive manner.

Forbes - Male, aged in early 30's. Recently discovered to be gay. He is a smartass. He can say hurtful things and often does. His role is not clearly defined in the system as of now.

Slone - 34, ages with Stormy. Took 99% of the physical abuse for Stormy. She never cried or showed emotion which got the body beat even harder because it would piss the adults off and they would beat until they gave in.

Little Stormy - 11, 12, 13. Unsure what her role in the system is as of yet. She just recently evidenced. She is shy at the moment, but we suspect that will change with time. We're unsure why she came but we suspect it was to bring the memories of that age because she is *stuck* in that time frame. She is not in the present fully. She still thinks it's the 80's.

Everyone or every fragment, alter, part, soul, whatever you want to call us, has a role to fill in the system known as Stormy. We're all here to help her in one way or another. I (Stormie Leigh), am the one that knows all the alters and am the gatekeeper. Basically I can decide who can come and go, but sometimes they slip by me without my knowledge too.

There are other alters here that Stormy doesn't know about. These are the ones that take over and she loses time with. She hasn't met them and therefore can't share time with them.

Stormy sees us in her mind's eye. She hears us in her head. We all talk together. We have different styles of fashion, hair, make-up, etc. It can make it hard for the body at times, but we get through it.

Stormy can now see us in the mirror. This is still scaring her so she is avoiding mirrors as much as she can. She can talk to us better in the mirror if she would try. We don't push her though.

We all write in a common journal that we share with our therapist. Many of us write about our memories. Stormy goes back and reads all the entries sometimes. Sometimes she won't because she doesn't want to know. We all have our own special writing style and our handwriting is all different. Stormy has learnt who is who by our handwriting. So she selects what to read and what to skip.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. You're not going to offend us or Stormy. If we can't or don't want to answer it, we won't.

Thanks for asking Miss CheerBaby.

--Stormie Leigh

Stormie Leigh here with you again, just thought I would give you an update on what has been happening within the clan. And by the way, this is where we will be holding family meetings from now on.

Stormy is having a really hard time with depression. She is supposed to call the psychiatrist today to see about getting a med change today. She has to do something. The suicidal thoughts are back. She can't even go one day without thinking about suicide. It's really getting rough on her.

This past weekend I told her she wasn't the original identity. I told her all about Tina and how Tina went into a deep coma all those years ago and none of us ever expect her to wake up ever again. Stormy didn't quite know what to do with that information. She was suspecting that she wasn't the original anyway so that is why I decided to tell her about Tina. I think I did the right thing. Stormy is processing it okay, I think.

Slone woke up this weekend. Due to the hallucinations that are physically harming Stormy Slone is back to take over. She took almost all of the physical abuse while we were all growing up and she's back to do it again. She used to really piss the adults off because she wouldn't cry or make any sound and she wouldn't make a face of any sort... she was totally emotionless. No matter what the adults did she never showed emotion. It would make the adults so mad.

Little Stormy came to be this weekend too. She is somewhere between 11 and 13, meaning 11, 12 or 13. She isn't talking much yet. She is a little bewildered right now I think, but I'm sure she will acclimate herself quite quickly. We all know how pre-teens/teens are.

It has been a very emotional and trying weekend for all of us. Stormy spent most of it locked up in her room alone with us. She didn't want to see anyone else. She read (or tried to) some books and we all wrote in the journal. She cried a lot and we cried with her. I wish we could take the depression away from her.

Why don't you tell them what Stormy said about me? She thinks I'm gay of all things! Me, Forbes, gay for crying outloud! She says that I act like it. Well, I never in all my days! I'm the smartass of the group and I don't think I act anyway but myself, but so what if I am gay, would that even matter? I'm part of this clan - this pack - just like everyone else. If I'm gay, and I'm not saying I am, but if I am why should that matter? I'm still the royal pain in the ass, the smartass of the group, the one that does the bitching! Hell, just look to me for comic relief if you have to from now on! Assholes!

 I wish we could take the depression away from her too.  I feel so helpless when she is going through these things. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back and that makes me madder then hell! I'm supposed to protect her. Well, how in the hell do I protect her from depression?! I would like to know!!!! I don't know what to do to help her right now. I'm her protector and I don't know how to do my job right now and it's pissing me off! I feel like I can't do anything right! I feel weak.

Well, I tried cheering her up this weekend. I certainly cheered her husband up.  I thought it would cheer her up too but it really didn't work out that way. And y'all jumped onto me for it and I didn't like that. I was just trying to be helpful! I was trying to liven the place up a little, geesh! I didn't see any harm in trying to lighten the mood. I thought it would be good for Stormy.

Well Tia, you're young and you like to party and I suppose you meant well, but you just went about it the wrong way honey. We all forgive you for it. I think you learned your lesson. It's just not right to do those sort of things.  You can still cheer Stormy up without playing party girl all the time.

I want to know what we are going to do about these hallucinations. I will jump in and push Stormy out the second I see one happening, but since we can't really see them going on how do I know when to come out and take the pain away from her? There's no way I can keep all the physical pain away from Stormy because I don't know when these stupid hallucinations are going to happen!

We're just going to have to keep vigulent watch on our girl Slone. That is all we can do. We just keep watch and protect her the best that we can.

Little Stormy, before we close the meeting, is there anything you want to say? Or you Chrissy? Is there anything you would like to say?

I know I'm the newest to the group, but I've always been with Stormy. I've just never showed myself. I do a lot of writing with her but I keep to the shadows. I want to help Stormy over this depression thing she has but I don't know what to do. I'm so young that I don't know how I can help. I feel like she does though. I'm just really sad.

Little Stormy, it's okay to be sad. We're all here to help each other. We'll make it through this just like we have in the past. Even if it means a trip to the hospital.

Chrissy doesn't want to try the keyboard, but she is whispering to me. She says she wants Stormy to be okay.

It's okay Chrissy. Everything will be okay soon.

With that I would like to end this family meeting. Any of you are welcome to come here to post at any time.

Tasha asked: "What started this? I am curious on how it all started. Usually it is a trigger from Childhood."

This is Stormie Leigh. I'll try to answer that question.

Stormy was born an unplanned and unwanted child. Her mother was knocked out and didn't even see her until she was 12 hours old and her father was sitting in a bar, drunk, when she was born. She was greeted by two aunts when she was born. Two very mean and nasty aunts, I might add.

There are pictures of Stormy laying on piles of plastic on the floor when she is a baby, crying so we can only imagine what her babyhood was like. I didn't come into the picture until she was two, when her uncle molested her.

Stormy's parents had orgy parties where the parents would bring their children and all the children would be made to strip and stand in the center of the room and the adults would then pick what kid they wanted to have with them. The only one that didn't participate in this was Stormy's dad, but he didn't protect her from it either. He would leave and go get drunk.

Stormy's parents divorced when she was young and she was passed around her father's family like a bad holiday fruitcake. No one really wanted her, but when they had her, they used her in all sorts of ways. All three uncles and their wives, save one wife, used Stormy for sexual gratification, molesting her over and over again and they used her for slave labor. Stormy was cooking and cleaning before she was seven years old.

By the age of seven she was playing the role of housewife whenever she was with her father (every way but the sex part)! She had to cook and clean, draw his baths, lay out his clothes, clean the house, do it all and go to school. She never played with children her age because she didn't have the time. She was constantly working and if she didn't get things done right she got beat unmercifully.

When she was being molested or beaten me and the others stepped in and pushed her out so she didn't have to feel the pain. We protected her. We've been with her for all her life. I was the first. The others came later.

I won't go into graphic details, but there were times it was surprizing that the body did not die on us. We are all lucky we survived.

Stormy's mother held control over her until she left in 1992 with her three children to go to Kentucky, but then she still had a kind of control over her, just as she does now. Her mother followed her to Kentucky and reigned control over her there as well.

These days there is still a type of control and Stormy, along with the rest of us are afraid she'll never be free from the control, even after the bitch dies.

Stormy is working her way through the memories now. We give her memories that she knows nothing about because we were the ones that went through the events and pushed her out. She has to know about them though and it hurts us to show her, but she has to face her past to heal and get on with her life.

It's hard. It's very hard.

I'm really pissed off at Stormy right now because she seems to be stuck in one of those sucky depressions again. I hate it when she is like this. It floats over onto us and it makes me angrier then I normally am and I fucking don't like feeling like this!

More repressed memories have been surfacing and the hallucinations of the mother are getting worse by the day! Stormy almost cut herself the other day because in her mind, the mother was holding the knife to her wrist and was trying to cut her. I jumped in and knocked the knife away and then yesterday while Stormy was cleaning the house, she was dusting the top of the aquarium and the fucking mother hallucination came out and pushed her and Stormy fell down to her knees pretty hard and she bruised both of them. This is some scarey shit that is going on and I don't like it one damned bit! It's all bullshit. We went through all of this while Stormy was growing up, why do we have to go through it all again now?! It's not fair!!!!!!! Hallucinations or flashbacks - whatever they are, they're real for Stormy and she's getting hurt from them! She is getting bruised and we're fighting to keep her from getting cut. If she starts showing up with cuts on her then the therapist and/or her pdoc is going to put her in the fucking hospital and she won't be able to handle that. She will totally spaz out on us and she'll fall so deep we won't be able to bring her back up. I'm really scared right now. Stormie Leigh isn't even getting through to her right now and she can ALWAYS get through to her! I just don't know what to do! It doesn't help that I'm all pissed off about it and beating the shit out of the anger pillow and stomping around and yelling like a crazy loon either. Thank God I can hold all that in until we're alone in the house! Or else her husband might think we need to go into the hospital anyway!

At least Stormy was finally able to tell her husband about the hallucinations and have a serious discussion about all of us. He understood and listened better then she thought he was going to. She was really surprized. I'm glad she did it.

It's time for me to take over DarkWolf. You've had your time at the keyboard. I'm just as worried about Stormy as you are. You make it sound like you're the only one worried about her and you know full well that that isn't true! We're all worried. We're all a part of her and we're all worried about her. We're trying to get her through all this and I don't feel that we're doing a very good job. Just look at that poem she wrote today about being trapped in the black abyss of depression! Does that sound like we're helping her at all? No, it doesn't. We've got to start helping her more or something. She's hurting really bad. I told you it wasn't a good idea to give her more memories of the past right now, but noooo, you said that you had to, that it was time, that she had to face the past in order to heal from it and look where it got her and us! But fighting among ourselves isn't going to solve anything. We have to work together to protect her.

I'm so worried though about this latest depression she's in. She's been tettering for awhile and it seems like she has slid off in the deep end. We've still got a hold of her though. If we can just pull her back up and even the scales, we'll all be okay.

Are you quite through, Tia? Stormy is going to be fine. She has been here before and pulled out of it. This is what Bipolar Disorder is. She cycles from one state of being to another. From depression to mania. She's done it her whole life. She did it before you were born and she'll do it for the rest of her life. It's just the way things are.

We do have to keep an eye on her with these hallucinations of her mother though. These are very dangerous for her. She is feeling her mother beat her, hit, scratch, pinch and bite her and in reality, she is doing these things to herself with no knowledge of doing it. Whenever we can, we have to come out and take over so we can stop her from hurting herself.

Slone is beginning to wake up and that isn't a good sign. Slone was the one that stepped in for all the beatings that would not show emotion. She would not cry. She would not even grimiace and that just made the mother madder and would beat Stormy harder. If Slone wakes and begins taking over the body again, Stormy will not be able to feel pain again and then she could really hurt herself. We have to be careful and try to keep Slone asleep.

Stormy is a stupid little twit that doesn't know her head from a hole in the ground! If she wants to be depressed then for God's sake, let the bitch be depressed! Why should we care? We're not the ones making her depressed! We didn't make her boo hoo! Women! You're all alike! Feel sorry for me, I'm depressed! Feel sorry for me, I'm on the rag! Feel sorry for me, I'm a fucking woman! Blah, blah, blah. Well I DON'T feel sorry for none of ya! You're all a bunch of bitches!

You need to shut your filthy mouth, Forbes! No one wants to hear that kind of talk! We're here today to talk over things we can do to help Stormy and if you don't have anything constructive to add to the conversation then go crawl back into your hole! You are suck a little prick!

I say that all we can do is be vigilent with Stormy and always on the ready. We need to start sharing more and more time with her too so that this depression doesn't get any worse. That's my two cents anyway.

If no one has any objections, I will close this meeting now.