February 13, 2004

• I'm really pissed off at Stormy right now because she seems to be stuck in one of those sucky depressions again. I hate it when she is like this. It floats over onto us and it makes me angrier then I normally am and I fucking don't like feeling like this!

  
  

  More repressed memories have been surfacing and the hallucinations of the mother are getting worse by the day! Stormy almost cut herself the other day because in her mind, the mother was holding the knife to her wrist and was trying to cut her. I jumped in and knocked the knife away and then yesterday while Stormy was cleaning the house, she was dusting the top of the aquarium and the fucking mother hallucination came out and pushed her and Stormy fell down to her knees pretty hard and she bruised both of them. This is some scarey shit that is going on and I don't like it one damned bit! It's all bullshit. We went through all of this while Stormy was growing up, why do we have to go through it all again now?! It's not fair!!!!!!! Hallucinations or flashbacks - whatever they are, they're real for Stormy and she's getting hurt from them! She is getting bruised and we're fighting to keep her from getting cut. If she starts showing up with cuts on her then the therapist and/or her pdoc is going to put her in the fucking hospital and she won't be able to handle that. She will totally spaz out on us and she'll fall so deep we won't be able to bring her back up. I'm really scared right now. Stormie Leigh isn't even getting through to her right now and she can ALWAYS get through to her! I just don't know what to do! It doesn't help that I'm all pissed off about it and beating the shit out of the anger pillow and stomping around and yelling like a crazy loon either. Thank God I can hold all that in until we're alone in the house! Or else her husband might think we need to go into the hospital anyway!

  
  

  At least Stormy was finally able to tell her husband about the hallucinations and have a serious discussion about all of us. He understood and listened better then she thought he was going to. She was really surprized. I'm glad she did it.

  
  

  It's time for me to take over DarkWolf. You've had your time at the keyboard. I'm just as worried about Stormy as you are. You make it sound like you're the only one worried about her and you know full well that that isn't true! We're all worried. We're all a part of her and we're all worried about her. We're trying to get her through all this and I don't feel that we're doing a very good job. Just look at that poem she wrote today about being trapped in the black abyss of depression! Does that sound like we're helping her at all? No, it doesn't. We've got to start helping her more or something. She's hurting really bad. I told you it wasn't a good idea to give her more memories of the past right now, but noooo, you said that you had to, that it was time, that she had to face the past in order to heal from it and look where it got her and us! But fighting among ourselves isn't going to solve anything. We have to work together to protect her.

  
  

  I'm so worried though about this latest depression she's in. She's been tettering for awhile and it seems like she has slid off in the deep end. We've still got a hold of her though. If we can just pull her back up and even the scales, we'll all be okay.

  
  

  Are you quite through, Tia? Stormy is going to be fine. She has been here before and pulled out of it. This is what Bipolar Disorder is. She cycles from one state of being to another. From depression to mania. She's done it her whole life. She did it before you were born and she'll do it for the rest of her life. It's just the way things are.

  
  

  We do have to keep an eye on her with these hallucinations of her mother though. These are very dangerous for her. She is feeling her mother beat her, hit, scratch, pinch and bite her and in reality, she is doing these things to herself with no knowledge of doing it. Whenever we can, we have to come out and take over so we can stop her from hurting herself.

  
  

  Slone is beginning to wake up and that isn't a good sign. Slone was the one that stepped in for all the beatings that would not show emotion. She would not cry. She would not even grimiace and that just made the mother madder and would beat Stormy harder. If Slone wakes and begins taking over the body again, Stormy will not be able to feel pain again and then she could really hurt herself. We have to be careful and try to keep Slone asleep.

  
  

  Stormy is a stupid little twit that doesn't know her head from a hole in the ground! If she wants to be depressed then for God's sake, let the bitch be depressed! Why should we care? We're not the ones making her depressed! We didn't make her boo hoo! Women! You're all alike! Feel sorry for me, I'm depressed! Feel sorry for me, I'm on the rag! Feel sorry for me, I'm a fucking woman! Blah, blah, blah. Well I DON'T feel sorry for none of ya! You're all a bunch of bitches!

  
  

  You need to shut your filthy mouth, Forbes! No one wants to hear that kind of talk! We're here today to talk over things we can do to help Stormy and if you don't have anything constructive to add to the conversation then go crawl back into your hole! You are suck a little prick!

  
  

  I say that all we can do is be vigilent with Stormy and always on the ready. We need to start sharing more and more time with her too so that this depression doesn't get any worse. That's my two cents anyway.

  
  

  If no one has any objections, I will close this meeting now.

  • 11:43 am
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