We're all reading the book by Stephen King, Wolves of the Calla. It's a very good book so far. We take turns reading it aloud and we are all deeply involved with the story now. Even Tia who never sits still for things like this. We wondered about letting Chrissy and Lil' Stormy sit in for this, but we decided that, yes, we would include them and just make sure it's all pretend for them. So far they are doing really good with it.

They moved out the trailer across the street this morning. I must say, I was glad to see that fucking eyesore go! It was just so trashy and miserable looking! There is an empty lot full of trash now and where they forgot to unhook the water line, it looks like an artery busted free when the great hulk of a shell was pulled free and now it sits bleeding without abandon all over the ground. You should see that lot over there. It is NASTY!!!!!! I've never seen anything so trashy in my life! I was glad to see it go! Now just as long as it doesn't take them forever and a day to clean the lot up we'll gbe okay.

But I really don't give a shit because we're out of here the first week of June! Then they can have this entire trashy trailer park and stick it up their asses for all I care because we're moving our tralier OUT OF HERE! We're going to a NICE trailer COURT.  I really HATE this place and the trashy people that live here. I can honestly say the only person we like here is Linda that lives next door to us. She's the only one.

Well I guess I have bitched enough. Stormie Leigh is coming and I don't want her to know what I was up to.

DarkWolf.

We're all so tired today. We've figured out what has been making us so sleepy in the mornings though and it's the Lamictal. So we only took one pill of it this morning and we'll take the other this afternoon or at supper or something. We hate to be sleepy in the mornings! We might stop taking the Lamictal in the mornings all together and save it for afternoon and evenings. That wouldn't be so bad, now would it?

I'm almost finished with the book I'm reading, that Pelzer book. He went through a lot of shit during his teens too. Not half as bad as when he was little, but bad enough. Thank Gods he found Paul and David who befriended him. I think without them he probably wouldn't have survived like he did. Writing his books must have been very theraputic for him, wouldn't you say?

We don't want to hear about your silly old books, Forbes. We want to hear about fun stuff. If it's warm enough this afternoon we're going outside and swinging in our swing! We hope and hope it's warm enough! We haven't even bothered to get dressed in jeans for three or four days. What's the point if your not going anywhere? We've not dressed in jeans since the birthday on Saturday. We're tired of sweats and oversized shirts. We want to pull the summer clothes out of the building and hang them in the closet and get the other stuff in the closet too. Get it all cleaned up so everything will look good so we can have some fun!

Like YOU'RE going to stick around to help clean up. That's the best joke I've heard all fucking year. You never stick around when there's work to do. All you're interested in is fun. Fun is probably your middle name, isn't it? Tia Fun? It goes together well.

Sorry to cut in here people but I just heard Sarah Frances calling my name. It was damned scarey! She was calling it like she always did when she was pissed off. I don't know what to do! I don't want to hallucinate that shit anymore! I don't want to hear her calling out to me like that. Help me guys. Make her go away. Please!

She will not bother you, Stormy. I'll see to that. I'm right here protecting you. She will never hurt you again. She's not here. She didn't really call your name. It was a hallucination. It wasn't real. Look around. Do you see her? No. It was like a day-mare instead of a nightmare. You're okay. We've got you. We've got you. Everything is going to be okay! Be calm now and rest in my arms knowing that we're all here for you now and won't let anything bad happen to you like that anymorel. This circle that you are within will never weakend or be broken. You are safe now.

Now stop your crying and come to us. Let us love you.

-DarikWolf

I hate the Internet. People can't hear your tone of voice and they don't get the meaning of what you say. They just read the words and ASSUME (make an ass out of u and me) that it was meant this way or that and that is strictly bullshit. Some people should KNOW better that other people wouldn't hurt them for the world! Sheesh! What a pisser of a fucking day!

I think I will blow this computer up today and never let any of us use it again. Just disappear forever more. No one would fucking miss us anyway. No one would even fucking care because it's obvious that we're not needed. That we can be hung up on in the flash of an eye like we don't fucking matter at all. Like we don't have feelings too. But does that fucking matter? No, it doesn't. It doesn't matter at all. Nothing matters any more.

We thought we found the friends we'd been search for
but I think we were wrong because they don't like us no more
They shut us out, they closed the door, no, I don't think they like us no  more.
I still want those friends, I want to pry open that door. Lord, help me, I want to pry open that door.

Don't shut us out. Don't blow us off. Don't turn your back on us when all we want to do is be your friend.

Don't push us away. Don't tell us to go away. Don't hurt us so we'll leave. We want to be your friend. We're standing here, in the rain of torment, waiting for you to open the door again.

Elton John Says it like I can't.....

"How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now"

We wrote in our long hand journal today. We wrote quite a bit actually. Just got this bug up our ass.

We wrote down a lot of our memories. Not good memories either. Bad, bad memories. Sick memories, but ones Stormy has to face regardless. We all have to face our past so we can go on with our lives in peace. We have to bury the past and let it go. We can't leave it hanging over our head like a black cloud.

She's strong enough to face them. She can control the situation when she is faced with them. It's time.

Slone

The font is signature. I hope you have it.

This is Stormy. I have control issues and I don't know how to get over them.

I didn't do too good a job controling DW tonight though. She let her ass overload her mouth. She knew better too.

Shit happens though. I didn't lose my friend, thank Gods. I would have just lost it had I lost her. She is very important to me.

I'm headed to bed. I just wanted to stop by and have my own say here.

Help me get over my control issues. Anyone have any suggestions?

Love,
Stormy

DW has went into seclusion. I don't know how long she'll be there. She's feeling really bad for pissing Julie, someone she just recently met, off. She's sorry and all that but now she just wants to go be alone so she can figure out what she did so wrong. She'll be okay though. She'll be back and she is still protecting Stormy, she is always protecting Stormy. But she made Stormy scared tonight. She made Stormy scared that she was going to lose her friend Jamie over her's and Julie's discussion. Stormy told her to drop it and she didn't drop it. *sigh*

Things are quiet here in the den tonight. None of us really feel like talking a lot except Tia and she is always ready to talk. She is a party machine. I don't know where the girl gets her energy. I'd like to have some of it.

Did you say my name? I love to talk and do things. I love Jamie! I have so much fun with Jamie! I wish she lived here! I get so excited when I know she is coming over! She is fun, fun, fun! She knows how to LIVE! Now like the prudes around here. DW is broody and dark. Sally is old and just sits and reads. Christina is always working. Little Stormy and Chrissy are usually playing together and I don't play kiddie games any more. Forbes is a complete ass so I stay out of his way as much as possible. Just everyone has their own thing except during the family meetings.

Stormy and I are starting a new project! We're going to start scrap booking and  Jamie didn't really say yes, but we think she is going to do it with us! Oh, I hope she does!

Tia, shut up, would you? There are more important things to talk about. Like the fact that Stormy is dreaming about her memories. She is waking up and they are leaving her too quickly for her to write them down. We're going to have to help her on this gals. We are going to have to help her remember longer so she can get them written down. There's no time to fuck around. It's time to get serious! Do you hear me?! You'd better be listening.

Must you curse Forbes? It isn't polite and it's just vulgar. Just stop it okay? You're not a sailor for the love of Pete. We need to put more memories into Stormy's head. We're moving way too slow on this.

Yes, that is right, we need to  get busy with the memories. I got Stormy to email her tdoc today to ask for a copy of everything she's given her thus far.  I hope her tdoc will be able to do that.  She has given her a lot. And we have to write more in the new journal  Stormy started and we're going to take it to our therapy sessions.

I'm still trying to talk Stormy into letting us come out in session. She's scared to let us come out. We're working on it.

That's all I have.

Later

It's been a while since any of us have blogged. So we elected me to come out and blog tonight. Do you like our font? It is MS Sans Serif. I like it. It is crisp and neat.

Stormy is working on her control issues but not enough. She still tries to control us too much. We can't be of much use to her (i.e. help) if we're controled. We need to be free to help her -- to help her remember. She needs to remember and deal with the past. Oh why beat a dead horse here?

It's all just bullshit anyway. She's not going to remember if she doesn't want to fucking remember. She isn't trying. The things she remembers are the things she can't control. She's remembering things by way of dreams. Horrid, horrid dreams. She has no control over those.

I'm sick of being fucking controled though. I want to be my own person. I *am* my own person. I'm fucking DarkWolf and I'm not going to let Stormy fucking forget it!

I'm sick of this shit and I'm going to let her know it!

DarkWolf.

I'm not being nice anymore.