Stormie Leigh here with you again, just thought I would give you an update on what has been happening within the clan. And by the way, this is where we will be holding family meetings from now on.

Stormy is having a really hard time with depression. She is supposed to call the psychiatrist today to see about getting a med change today. She has to do something. The suicidal thoughts are back. She can't even go one day without thinking about suicide. It's really getting rough on her.

This past weekend I told her she wasn't the original identity. I told her all about Tina and how Tina went into a deep coma all those years ago and none of us ever expect her to wake up ever again. Stormy didn't quite know what to do with that information. She was suspecting that she wasn't the original anyway so that is why I decided to tell her about Tina. I think I did the right thing. Stormy is processing it okay, I think.

Slone woke up this weekend. Due to the hallucinations that are physically harming Stormy Slone is back to take over. She took almost all of the physical abuse while we were all growing up and she's back to do it again. She used to really piss the adults off because she wouldn't cry or make any sound and she wouldn't make a face of any sort... she was totally emotionless. No matter what the adults did she never showed emotion. It would make the adults so mad.

Little Stormy came to be this weekend too. She is somewhere between 11 and 13, meaning 11, 12 or 13. She isn't talking much yet. She is a little bewildered right now I think, but I'm sure she will acclimate herself quite quickly. We all know how pre-teens/teens are.

It has been a very emotional and trying weekend for all of us. Stormy spent most of it locked up in her room alone with us. She didn't want to see anyone else. She read (or tried to) some books and we all wrote in the journal. She cried a lot and we cried with her. I wish we could take the depression away from her.

Why don't you tell them what Stormy said about me? She thinks I'm gay of all things! Me, Forbes, gay for crying outloud! She says that I act like it. Well, I never in all my days! I'm the smartass of the group and I don't think I act anyway but myself, but so what if I am gay, would that even matter? I'm part of this clan - this pack - just like everyone else. If I'm gay, and I'm not saying I am, but if I am why should that matter? I'm still the royal pain in the ass, the smartass of the group, the one that does the bitching! Hell, just look to me for comic relief if you have to from now on! Assholes!

 I wish we could take the depression away from her too.  I feel so helpless when she is going through these things. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back and that makes me madder then hell! I'm supposed to protect her. Well, how in the hell do I protect her from depression?! I would like to know!!!! I don't know what to do to help her right now. I'm her protector and I don't know how to do my job right now and it's pissing me off! I feel like I can't do anything right! I feel weak.

Well, I tried cheering her up this weekend. I certainly cheered her husband up.  I thought it would cheer her up too but it really didn't work out that way. And y'all jumped onto me for it and I didn't like that. I was just trying to be helpful! I was trying to liven the place up a little, geesh! I didn't see any harm in trying to lighten the mood. I thought it would be good for Stormy.

Well Tia, you're young and you like to party and I suppose you meant well, but you just went about it the wrong way honey. We all forgive you for it. I think you learned your lesson. It's just not right to do those sort of things.  You can still cheer Stormy up without playing party girl all the time.

I want to know what we are going to do about these hallucinations. I will jump in and push Stormy out the second I see one happening, but since we can't really see them going on how do I know when to come out and take the pain away from her? There's no way I can keep all the physical pain away from Stormy because I don't know when these stupid hallucinations are going to happen!

We're just going to have to keep vigulent watch on our girl Slone. That is all we can do. We just keep watch and protect her the best that we can.

Little Stormy, before we close the meeting, is there anything you want to say? Or you Chrissy? Is there anything you would like to say?

I know I'm the newest to the group, but I've always been with Stormy. I've just never showed myself. I do a lot of writing with her but I keep to the shadows. I want to help Stormy over this depression thing she has but I don't know what to do. I'm so young that I don't know how I can help. I feel like she does though. I'm just really sad.

Little Stormy, it's okay to be sad. We're all here to help each other. We'll make it through this just like we have in the past. Even if it means a trip to the hospital.

Chrissy doesn't want to try the keyboard, but she is whispering to me. She says she wants Stormy to be okay.

It's okay Chrissy. Everything will be okay soon.

With that I would like to end this family meeting. Any of you are welcome to come here to post at any time.

Tasha asked: "What started this? I am curious on how it all started. Usually it is a trigger from Childhood."

This is Stormie Leigh. I'll try to answer that question.

Stormy was born an unplanned and unwanted child. Her mother was knocked out and didn't even see her until she was 12 hours old and her father was sitting in a bar, drunk, when she was born. She was greeted by two aunts when she was born. Two very mean and nasty aunts, I might add.

There are pictures of Stormy laying on piles of plastic on the floor when she is a baby, crying so we can only imagine what her babyhood was like. I didn't come into the picture until she was two, when her uncle molested her.

Stormy's parents had orgy parties where the parents would bring their children and all the children would be made to strip and stand in the center of the room and the adults would then pick what kid they wanted to have with them. The only one that didn't participate in this was Stormy's dad, but he didn't protect her from it either. He would leave and go get drunk.

Stormy's parents divorced when she was young and she was passed around her father's family like a bad holiday fruitcake. No one really wanted her, but when they had her, they used her in all sorts of ways. All three uncles and their wives, save one wife, used Stormy for sexual gratification, molesting her over and over again and they used her for slave labor. Stormy was cooking and cleaning before she was seven years old.

By the age of seven she was playing the role of housewife whenever she was with her father (every way but the sex part)! She had to cook and clean, draw his baths, lay out his clothes, clean the house, do it all and go to school. She never played with children her age because she didn't have the time. She was constantly working and if she didn't get things done right she got beat unmercifully.

When she was being molested or beaten me and the others stepped in and pushed her out so she didn't have to feel the pain. We protected her. We've been with her for all her life. I was the first. The others came later.

I won't go into graphic details, but there were times it was surprizing that the body did not die on us. We are all lucky we survived.

Stormy's mother held control over her until she left in 1992 with her three children to go to Kentucky, but then she still had a kind of control over her, just as she does now. Her mother followed her to Kentucky and reigned control over her there as well.

These days there is still a type of control and Stormy, along with the rest of us are afraid she'll never be free from the control, even after the bitch dies.

Stormy is working her way through the memories now. We give her memories that she knows nothing about because we were the ones that went through the events and pushed her out. She has to know about them though and it hurts us to show her, but she has to face her past to heal and get on with her life.

It's hard. It's very hard.

I'm really pissed off at Stormy right now because she seems to be stuck in one of those sucky depressions again. I hate it when she is like this. It floats over onto us and it makes me angrier then I normally am and I fucking don't like feeling like this!

More repressed memories have been surfacing and the hallucinations of the mother are getting worse by the day! Stormy almost cut herself the other day because in her mind, the mother was holding the knife to her wrist and was trying to cut her. I jumped in and knocked the knife away and then yesterday while Stormy was cleaning the house, she was dusting the top of the aquarium and the fucking mother hallucination came out and pushed her and Stormy fell down to her knees pretty hard and she bruised both of them. This is some scarey shit that is going on and I don't like it one damned bit! It's all bullshit. We went through all of this while Stormy was growing up, why do we have to go through it all again now?! It's not fair!!!!!!! Hallucinations or flashbacks - whatever they are, they're real for Stormy and she's getting hurt from them! She is getting bruised and we're fighting to keep her from getting cut. If she starts showing up with cuts on her then the therapist and/or her pdoc is going to put her in the fucking hospital and she won't be able to handle that. She will totally spaz out on us and she'll fall so deep we won't be able to bring her back up. I'm really scared right now. Stormie Leigh isn't even getting through to her right now and she can ALWAYS get through to her! I just don't know what to do! It doesn't help that I'm all pissed off about it and beating the shit out of the anger pillow and stomping around and yelling like a crazy loon either. Thank God I can hold all that in until we're alone in the house! Or else her husband might think we need to go into the hospital anyway!

At least Stormy was finally able to tell her husband about the hallucinations and have a serious discussion about all of us. He understood and listened better then she thought he was going to. She was really surprized. I'm glad she did it.

It's time for me to take over DarkWolf. You've had your time at the keyboard. I'm just as worried about Stormy as you are. You make it sound like you're the only one worried about her and you know full well that that isn't true! We're all worried. We're all a part of her and we're all worried about her. We're trying to get her through all this and I don't feel that we're doing a very good job. Just look at that poem she wrote today about being trapped in the black abyss of depression! Does that sound like we're helping her at all? No, it doesn't. We've got to start helping her more or something. She's hurting really bad. I told you it wasn't a good idea to give her more memories of the past right now, but noooo, you said that you had to, that it was time, that she had to face the past in order to heal from it and look where it got her and us! But fighting among ourselves isn't going to solve anything. We have to work together to protect her.

I'm so worried though about this latest depression she's in. She's been tettering for awhile and it seems like she has slid off in the deep end. We've still got a hold of her though. If we can just pull her back up and even the scales, we'll all be okay.

Are you quite through, Tia? Stormy is going to be fine. She has been here before and pulled out of it. This is what Bipolar Disorder is. She cycles from one state of being to another. From depression to mania. She's done it her whole life. She did it before you were born and she'll do it for the rest of her life. It's just the way things are.

We do have to keep an eye on her with these hallucinations of her mother though. These are very dangerous for her. She is feeling her mother beat her, hit, scratch, pinch and bite her and in reality, she is doing these things to herself with no knowledge of doing it. Whenever we can, we have to come out and take over so we can stop her from hurting herself.

Slone is beginning to wake up and that isn't a good sign. Slone was the one that stepped in for all the beatings that would not show emotion. She would not cry. She would not even grimiace and that just made the mother madder and would beat Stormy harder. If Slone wakes and begins taking over the body again, Stormy will not be able to feel pain again and then she could really hurt herself. We have to be careful and try to keep Slone asleep.

Stormy is a stupid little twit that doesn't know her head from a hole in the ground! If she wants to be depressed then for God's sake, let the bitch be depressed! Why should we care? We're not the ones making her depressed! We didn't make her boo hoo! Women! You're all alike! Feel sorry for me, I'm depressed! Feel sorry for me, I'm on the rag! Feel sorry for me, I'm a fucking woman! Blah, blah, blah. Well I DON'T feel sorry for none of ya! You're all a bunch of bitches!

You need to shut your filthy mouth, Forbes! No one wants to hear that kind of talk! We're here today to talk over things we can do to help Stormy and if you don't have anything constructive to add to the conversation then go crawl back into your hole! You are suck a little prick!

I say that all we can do is be vigilent with Stormy and always on the ready. We need to start sharing more and more time with her too so that this depression doesn't get any worse. That's my two cents anyway.

If no one has any objections, I will close this meeting now.

This is Stormie Leigh. I'm Stormy's oldest alter. Not oldest in age, mind you, that would be Sally, but I've been with Stormy the longest. I know everything about everybody and let me tell you this... there are more then Stormy knows about. We're just not telling her about all of them yet because she isn't ready to handle more yet.

She knows of seven of us. That would be me, Tia, Christina, Chrissy, Sally, DarkWolf and Forbes (used to be called #4 and he is male).

I showed up when Stormy was two years old and I've been with her ever since. I know that some of you might find that a little hard to believe, but it's true. I was the first and the others came later. They came at different intervals during our lifetime and we're all a close knit family, obviously.

Most of the time we get along, but sometimes we fight with one another and we even fight with Stormy herself. Things are not good when arguments break out.

Don't you think you've talked enough there Ms. teacher? Do you think you could get any more boring? Do you honestly believe anyone is out there reading this shit? There's no one out there that gives a shit or even knows we're out here! I don't know why Stormy hasn't pulled the plug on this. I don't know why she even reminded us of this site today. It's a waste of time. But I guess it's not really a waste of time, here I am doing it. Haha. But come on Stormie Leigh, don't go all teacher on this thing. No one cares. I'm outta here!

That was Forbes. He is the smartass of the family. He hates everything and he hates it when we put our hand out to offer education to others about DID or Bipolar. He can really get right down nasty. He has a really bad temper on him. But oh well, he went on his merry, little way so we can continue.

I'm done with the teaching part for today anyway. If you have questions, please don't hesitate to post them to us. We'll answer them. Education about DID is vital in making people aware that DID does exsist and that it isn't going to harm them! It helps to break the stigmatism of it all.

Stormy mentioned to me that a young man named Tray emailed her from a hotmail account and when she tried to respond the email kept bouncing back with an error on it. So Tray, if you're reading, she said that she wants to help you, but you will have to email her from an address that actually works. Sorry about that chap.

Oh goody! I just love purple! Isn't it a pretty color?! Don't 'cha jest love it?! Hi y'all! I'm Tia! I'm 19 years old and I looooooove 2 party down with my bad self! LOL. Personally, I think I'm a lot of fun at parties! I don't think the rest of the family thinks so though. They weren't 2 happy when I got drunk a few wknds ago and pierced my left ear 5 more times. It looks sooooooooooooooo cool though! Stormy didn't seem 2 mind it. Shes left them in and she told me she liked them so who cares what the rest of this stupid family thinks! I'll do what I want 2 do, say what I want 2 say b who I want 2 b,  and play how I want 2 play! Yeah, I love that song! Stormy likes 2 play it a lot and she hooked me on it. Go figure. DUH. U hear something long enough and it grows on u.

Well, I'm gonna go now. U b good. Later!

Now then, a nice, clean webpage to blog one. Much better then all that junk from so long ago, don't you agree?

I was going to delete it all, but it seems that that function has been taken away. I would have much rather deleted all the old posts and started fresh then had to posted one, two, three, four, five. But oh well, how many people go past the first page anyway?

We have insomnia this morning. We haven't slept all night. We hate it when we get like this.

Chrissy is very cranky and so is Tia. I'm always cranky so it doesn't matter.

______________________

Stormy here...

I have Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID a.k.a. Multiple Personality Disorder - MPD).

My therapist has discovered that I have at least four alters. I have found through notebook writing that I have Darkwolf, who was writing previous to me, Tia, Chrissy and #4. #4 has yet to give me his/her name or gender. #4 doesn't say much.

Darkwolf is a protector and is a very angry being. She has a bad attitude most of the time and can be very mean. I have no clue as to how old she is, but if I had to guess I would put her in her late 20's, early 30's.

Chrissy is a little girl. I'm not quite sure how old, but I would say anywhere from 4 years old to 7 years old. I'm more apt to go towards the lower end of the age scale though.

Tia is somewhere in her late teens, very early 20's. She is somewhat motherly, but not entirely, she has a wild streak in her. She has a very soft heart.

#4, I don't know much about. He/she can get very, very angry and when he/she does, he/she lashes out vehemently. So far he/she has had one outburst and that's about it. He/she has been sitting and stewing or brooding, however you want to put it.

More later. If you have questions, please ask.

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